The Meaning Of Trying To Search For Meaning

It's not a matter of writing to show or please that matters, it's the reason behind why I write such jargons which postpones my life sentence that does. However, even writings aren't meant to be the final verdict. 

Is anything or everything irrelevant? 

Asked obviously no one in history. 

My deep dive into nihilism isn't anything new; in fact, it has probably been incorporated into my ideology like centuries before I was even born. But that doesn't matter, anyway. 

Today's blog post is going talk about the importance of understanding why and what reason does one need to fall into the holes of nothingness. 

First of all:- 

I'm mentally retarded, so don't take my word for granted, second of all, I'm trying my best not to be certain. If I try to be certain, ye can nuke this whole planet- might as well, since we obviously don't matter until blasting off into space like some good old cosmos ingredients (yummy!). 

Let's begin then, shall we ? (As if anyone is answering this part of this my post). 

Man's search for meaning since the beginning of their rationale has been quite a prosperous path; for once some organic species thought that they could get on top of the world through their amazing capabilities and curiosity. Well, guess what ?

*SPOILER ALERT* 

We were wrong!!! 

Or were we ? 

Blatantly, time and time again, people have come to terms with different lens when it comes to constituting their belief on this topic. It's one of the top philosophical questions that we won't be able to answer for millennia to come. If we can, then of course, congratulations to us and whoever gets that amazing piece of artifact called the 'Nobel Peace Prize' 

( Top jokes humanity made up to make themselves feel better). 

Meaning and existence concerns ourselves with the supposed cycle of life and death. In order to live life, one must have the basic necessities inscribed within the laymen's textbook of Biology:- organic molecules, some stuff I didn't learn from my Biology class, the presentation I'm about to give tomorrow and of course, O2. 

In all seriousness, besides the biological necessities humans need companionship and social necessities as well- thanks for the obvious statement. Often, people's reply to the nihilist's demise is to stay in touch with the pragmatic aspect of reality- like mate, they've most likely tried that out and it's the reason why they've sunk to that phase. Of course, not everyone can cling on to the system,  and no one's obliged to. Yes, there will be consequences and other several bajillion dumbarsery moves that we've made over the course of more than 2 millennia. 

The conjoined ceremony of death and life has failed. Life happened within a particular probability, some may call this luck, some may call this dumb. It's what it is, a stroke of chance with certain conditions. It may as well have not occurred in the first place. 

To propose that life is either meaningful or meaningless goes down to a more convoluted form of absurdism. There are ways to say that it is meaningful or meaningless. The reality of the topic isn't even evident and by that I mean that reality itself proves to be absurd in answering our question of meaning, life and death. We only know the mumbo jumbo we spout to ourselves and the frequent every day life we live. Is it meant to be joyful, pleasant or excruciating ? We don't really have an objective answer for it. 

We've pondered over and over for thousands of years but the simple conclusion we've arrived it is the same that Socrates himself was certain of. The knowledge of knowing nothing at all. That's about the only certainty we can play around with. The rest of it is just a critique and endless amounts of theories regarding ourselves. If it's pointless, should we keep living or go on about our daily life that we didn't ask for ? 

I don't know either, maybe in the future there'll be a kind of society that let's you choose your own meaning and way of life instead tying you to their own. Much like virtual reality, this would be like the utopian concept of ours. 

The issue with trying to garner an empathetic, polite and harmonious society is the riddle behind why and how humans think and the relevance behind its existence. It's not divergence that concerns anyone but iteration. One could definitely ignore all these questions and have a preference on how everyone should persist living; however, to be certain about even a lifestyle would be a violation to man's search for meaning. 

A lifestyle, ideology, belief system, identity or system can't be consistent or constant for long. Even a well privileged human with a sealed image or identity needs to move forward when despair entraps their deeds and delusions. 

The entire point of life is unknown and we've deluded ourselves for millennia upon millennia. How much longer will it take before we realise our own mental asylum ? 

Is a human afraid to cease connections from satisfaction, dissatisfaction and fear? Or do they desire it so much that the mental asylum has become their wonderland ? 

This isn't me trying to promote a conspiracy theory, of course XD. 

This along with uncountable number of other questions may remain unanswered for eternity and so shall the purpose behind our self-implied 'significant' existence. 

I'm Bangladeshi and I'm Not

The title of this post is as confusing and deceiving as many other clickbait links on the internet.

To what do we owe the meat of this post ? 

Today’s post has been inspired by… well my identity: one of my identities as a human for the past 20 years. Ever since I was around 3 years of age, I was introduced to my nationality. I obviously wasn’t aware of the denotative or connotative meaning behind having a nationality or being from a certain region of the world. It only struck me as something that happened or came by chance. I did take a minimal amount of pride in it, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that I ever said ‘I am proud to be a Bangladeshi’. I don’t think those words will ever come out of my mouth. It’s close to impossible now, considering my ideologues and beliefs. 

It’s quite funny how I turned out to be a complete anti-nationalist and anti-patriot. I say it’s one of my better outcomes as a human being and perhaps an evolution within my species. 

I wasn’t always a complete anti-nationalist or anti-patriot. My experience paved the way for it gradually. My journey started all the way back in the late 2000s. I don’t know how many schools make its students pledge allegiance to the flag and their local or regional anthem; however, mine was pretty strict about it considering it was a private school. Although I never retaliated against the pledge, I have to be honest about the fact that I didn’t even feel remotely proud about pledging my allegiance to a country that I was a national of via my parents. Obligation doesn’t necessarily mean that one’s actually proud to do service or feel strongly about it. 

Teenhood didn’t change anything. It only gave me further reasons to ‘dislike’ my country and detach from the feeling of having a ‘home’ in just this country. I have a confession: I never really felt that the country I lived in for a decade was my home. I still had some attachment left from living in the Middle East for the first decade or so of my life. I did feel like I was part of that country since I grew up most of my early childhood there but that’s something almost every child would feel. There was always this notion that I was being shoved to feel proud or be part of a group I didn’t ask to be part of, similar to religion and culture and so on & forth. There were 2 things that were being shoved into my identity: religion and nationality. 

The religion part shall be saved for a separate post in the distant future. 

Nationality was always part of my surroundings and it’s the first thing you’re asked about whenever one meets a stranger from a different part of the world- since it’s the closest thing to one’s ethnicity or race. That’s not the issue here, one can say that they’re from a certain region of the world but still choose to identify as a non-nationalist or non-patriot. The issue arises from being shoved to take pride in it or do it simply out of being born to that particular by chance. One can continue their long line of cultural traditions and stuff for all anyone cares. Nationalism or patriotism isn’t a matter of being loyal to your country, it’s a matter of putting oneself at risk for irrational dilemmas and ethical decisions. Favouring sides has only worked for the short-term and doesn’t necessarily guarantee hope for the long-term. This is mainly an issue surrounding the study of identity in a very superficial perspective. Many factors come into play, one of them being nationality - which is why I’m discussing this vital information here. 
How we choose to identify also shapes a bit of how we tend to behave and form our ideologies. For me, the identity of nationality didn’t matter much since childhood. For some people, it’s almost alien to even think of detaching from the idea of patriotism or nationalism, similar to devotees of certain religions and ideologies. It’s totally okay to have different perspectives.

I’ll share mine:

My reason behind rejecting any form of  pride in my nationality is firstly from my own interests alone. I still have my passport, and citizenship and all but I’m not obligated to feel as if I’m part of this group. I am human and was born on this planet, within this universe. That’s about it. The rest of it won’t matter at all objectively. There isn't a privilege to be maintained from taking pride in ‘chance’ or ‘probability’; it’s just a dictation upon our oblivious and ignorant behaviour. A rational person doesn’t have any need for social obligation or image, its utmost goal is to process, function and proceed towards its curiosity of reality- of course without harming others. I argue that taking pride in these factors of identity are potentially and have been harmful for millennia. We can’t really reject it either; some form of identity will still remain since that’s a philosophical enigma that none has been able to solve.  What we can do is take matters into hands with the ones we’re already aware of; minimization of conflict and power is necessary for human civilisation to progress. The only chaos that we should be allowed to have is with our own minds only- or maybe not. 
That’s it for this post; stay in bed for more next time.

Quotes for reference:

“If you worship money and things — if they are where you tap real meaning in life — then you will never have enough. Never feel you have enough. It’s the truth. Worship your own body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly, and when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally plant you. On one level, we all know this stuff already — it’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, bromides, epigrams, parables: the skeleton of every great story. The trick is keeping the truth up-front in daily consciousness. Worship power — you will feel weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to keep the fear at bay. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart — you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out. And so on.”
― David Foster Wallace, This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life

“As far as I am concerned, I resign from humanity. I no longer want to be, nor can still be, a man. What should I do? Work for a social and political system, make a girl miserable? Hunt for weaknesses in philosophical systems, fight for moral and esthetic ideals? It’s all too little. I renounce my humanity even though I may find myself alone. But am I not already alone in this world from which I no longer expect anything?”

― Emil Cioran, On the Heights of Despair

Not Going to Title This Even if I'm Dead

So, how do I put this? I want to write but hesitate to write quite often. It's not because I have no passion for writing. I only have doubts about my own skills.  It's a typical growing process,  so I'll pay no more heed to it and just move along with my mediocre skills. Today's topic is literally 'nothing'. 

In the heat of my past posts, I'm still not concerned about the coherency of any of them and don't care either. Last year I wrote a ridiculous post on my sentiments of 'romantic' love and, I still abide by  those sentiments- as I always have- and always will. I still don't find it to be a coherent solution to our primordial needs. Elimination of emotions and intimacy are an obligation to evolve further (Ignore the last sentence please; I know humans will legitimately commit suicide if they were refrained of that 'need' of theirs).

Leaving personal contemplations of my world aside, let's get to the top of this stigma. I haven't discovered anything, nor am I willing to discover anything - as it all happens by probabilistic chance.

Why am I hesitating to write a proper post so often ? 

Mostly because the ideas that come into my mind aren't often synthesized enough to be simulated into 200 paragraphs or less. It's really complex to write about a topic that's so profound and intriguing and, that's because of the amount of information that the topic itself yields. Yes, I could somehow push in a few paragraphs by using second hand or expert sources that argue in favour or against the topic, but that too would conclude an unsatisfiable verdict to the predicament of the topic. 

Based on that rationale of mine, it has become quite tough on me really sit down and be solipsistic about whatever interest I have in mind. I just shouldn't 'have' or 'want' to assess or evaluate a certain idea or axiom without knowing of the clear paths or divergences that may be in the possession of its most favourable leaders. Even with that on board, the issue that comes next are the relevance and desirability of the ideas themselves. Is it significant for me to actually spend or invest my time playing around this idea? Is it productive enough for me to preach this idea to the very people- whose existence I deem as meaningless as mine ? 

Yes/No ! It's both yes and no for both of those questions. It's supposed be seem absurd but coherently that's how it plays out. Rather than pondering around on the efficacious range of those ideas, it's only significant to wonder about their profundity - as that's what humans will really care about naturally rather than collective distribution of usefulness. If it drives enough principles to drown in its own medicine, then it's way more worth than the mumbo jumbo one spits in the heat of a drunk debate infamously carried out by 'illiterate' politicians and public speaker ( Even though a lot of politicians and public speakers tend to go to prestigious schools or universities, their capability to analytically understand or assess issues are far worse than the attention span of a 2 years old babe). 

To sum it up, it's hard to rationalize on any topic, considering that the lack of a holistic process gives rise to superstitious beliefs among the crowd. In order to assure the continuous approach towards such topics, it's within the best of humanity's procession to apply a great level of uncertainty - as it seems that we've been evolving in our epistemology to regard that as our fine saviour: the saviour that aids us in putting an 'inconsistency' within our 'consistent' axiom. 

Foreshadowing Hope's Judgement

By Othello D. Gomes

Irely, a sentient knight, banished from existence itself, parries upon its own soul, the last one out there, to bewilder a sentimental meaning on this plane of 'non-existence'. Truthfully lying to himself, he tries to step forward in the brink of hope that the void itself can be tangible; a timid and much to his dismay of expectations, it remains blatantly unsettling to say further off. For a moment's grasp, he illustrates a boundary of tangibility before floating and eventually falling off of the nothing he's supposedly 'within'. Next to being oblivious about this environment he's in, the only reaction left for him to contemplate would be his thoughts before dying. Everything he knows means nothing at the moment, nothing can stop his sentiments nor can he be put to death. What could be possibly worse is the fact that the void itself is a loophole of nothingness. Where nothingness is supposed to be a realm devoid of everything known to the mind, here lies nothingness playing with a circular set of events with itself. Will falling forever and ever be the hell that he never wished to accept as his judgement? Or will hope be his last refuge and find a way to kindle the void? All remains impossible within the void and as his brain rapidly circulates neurons thinking about all the possible choices and events in his life that he took a part in, he can't take a moment to be one with any of them. Is it fighting the void that makes it hell? Or is it failing to accept it as your one and only refuged destiny that does ? It's only when one fails to accept his contemporary reality as the void that he goes on to persist his own suffering and misery, but the one who does still suffers as well. What makes his different from the other other? The one who has experienced and accepted the void knows 'nothing' itself and knows the illusion of 'fear' more than the laymen trying to drive fear into him through coarse desires. The past , present, and future are foundational for experience and are merely illusions in the realm of Void. Only the one who knows and has accepted the void lives without a longing for 'experience' again. Irely perhaps didn't have any of those realisations going through his mind, all he could think of was an escape out of this sudden and continuous misery.

A Coping Dialect

There sits a deity wrapped in shredded pain, 

Around the veil engulfed of gain,

Striving no more than thirty sticks, 

Divided by the five bricks, 

Whatever makes it six, 

Reverts all attention back to an anguished origin,

Dilating all roads of morning glories into trembling stings; 

A precious remedy of hindering fixation, 

With no rhythm, 

And or no schism, 

Throwing a soothing parable, 

At birds made of cosmic immaterial affectation: 

Rinsing off a temptation of prediction, 

Accordingly hallowing a contemporary aphorism, 

Molded by a string of fine decaying prism. 

Albeit evading over and over, 

The evasion of being under the aqua, 

Appealed to none’s observation, 

For billions of stations rest unfathomed by 

the alpha, 

Ergo no need to put at stake the bestowed deed of incomprehension towards omega. 

-Othello D. Gomes

The Chaos & Order Of Romance & Love

I believe that I may be one of many rare cases who’ll never truly come to comprehend what romance is and nor do I feel the necessity to enhance any growth towards this. I highly believe that I was born with the inability to not feel the true value of this ‘beauty’ which people call it so and so. Afore my primordial instinct being still sprung towards action back and forth, my inner senses have it under control. It’s mere alchemy of my conscious and unconscious parables that control, regulate, and flow this state of mind from its microcosmic brethren. For the longest, I’ve suffered from this frequent interaction, but it becomes clearer day by day that it is indeed my own illusion that has produced this new reality of mazes and labyrinths governed by strings of ethereal and stagnant relations.

During my recent study of spirituality and philosophy, I came under lots of incidences where renowned philosophers and polymaths suffered from almost the same disease that I’m currently suffering from. Some had actual celibacy, while others were naturally tainted by its pre-determined presence- in other words, asexuality. They may have considered themselves to be not efficacious at all, but I wouldn’t go as far as to conclude that- not that I consider myself to be efficacious nor will I ever be able to accomplish such a feat. Their minds and consciousness were constantly governed by strings of curiosity and ponder; thus, the nihilistic appearance of an inseparable deity had scrutinized their dreams and invaded their gardens of Eden. It’s not my implication that they were exploited by a radical, or normalized belief system, or fundamental value, but their synonymous appearances may have had a huge worldwide phenomenon in the coming of the eradication of an illusory subconsciousness. That’s of course, not to abandon the value of what already remained of religious values, but it already had inspired an ideology, which remained absent of the idea of a literary form of love- again, it’s not to imply that platonic love hasn’t existed before, but in the modern age, it’s a lot more common to find romantic relationships than platonic ones; that said, the idea of platonic relationship has been slowly coming to light in the recent decade or so forth. The idea that a love or relationship may exist within a logical structure sounds sound enough, but what we’re forgetting is that the amount of unconscious that’s being hidden from the front stage is still truly another road of mystery left for the unveiling of yet another wonderful structure of machinery. May it be romance or love without any desires, the unconscious part is what regulates and stimulates our being of forthcoming feelings and the further unexplored leave a hole for more mystic and perhaps, more phenomenal discoveries for the coming ages.

It’s probably in my best comprehension, that the love that’s formed within a romantic relationship doesn’t really come from a core being of a human. It’s executed in a way which symbolizes the Earth being engulfed in the Sun’s way since its time has come to become red giant- it’s probably not the best analogy, but try to get a good picture of what I tried to depict, it’s really just a conditional reminisce of fantasies being put forth by an unconscious desire, followed by the order of chaos. It’s quite blatant that in forming desires, we eventually form the determination for a chaos to occur in order for the order itself to come to claim its throne as it always does. Since lust is what keeps the romance alive at the core, without its presence, it becomes either platonic or pseudo-platonic (Platonic being one without many internal feelings or sexual desires in put; pseudo-platonic being the mix of both logical, internal and sexual, however with an absence of common desires.).

It may not seem like the best maze to step on, but it’s a form of suffering we must all endure in our lives, whether we like it or not. With that being stated, it’s also mandatory to keep a keen sight for the veil that’s worn by the desires themselves, for their allegory is but another obstacle for our unconscious to get through.

P.S. I oblige everyone to not take any of these words into their heads and fondle on with its strings. Take it lightly, but think it through. These are just mere words based on infinite comprehensions. 

Let's Take A Deep Breath

This isn't for the faintest of hearts or minds, this is just fantasy written within the faults of our own demise. It's the burden of our primal ancestors, it's the burden of the molecules that make us up and the burden of the stardust that molded together to gradually flourish life. It's our burden.

Our burden stands right in front of what we ought to proceed, it's like taking a ride from one end of the galaxy- wishing to kickback and enjoy,  to settling on some random planet with glamorous beauty of life, one beautiful enough to attract and invite our dopamine due to its uncommon and rare flavour. Our instincts were built so to do so, in order to keep the survival of our species. It's our burden to procreate and spread our agenda and influence all over the matrix.

This isn't just beauty, but also a sin.

For some, it may be the most beautiful of all arts that they'll ever experience; however, to some it's just not the way to go, it's just not ever about settling, it's all about exploring widely and freely without any restraint and settlement of responsibilities. It really astonished me when I was growing up, I've always held quite the opposition to settlements itself and still do. I never comprehended why people forsook their beautiful childhood behind in order to settle in for adulthood where they knew that fun would be out of the question- not to stereotype the thing in general, but that's how it seems.
As soon as the flower blooms, its objective isn't to stop blooming, it's to keep blooming until it withers away and joins back with its cosmic neighbors.

Life is fun, life is an experience, life is that one dream where we finally got to feel how it feels to be alive, yet failed to realise that there wasn't supposed to be any purpose or goals in this dream. We all made it up, because we wanted to feel like we were going somewhere trying to be satisfied. I guess we never tried to be happy even once, we don't even know what happiness is. Happiness is our constructed way of being partially satisfied, after all. It really doesn't exist at the point we delve. It only comes when we know how to love, and in order to love, we cease ourselves of our conservation of playing our norms. It'll still sound like quite the madman's imagination and since it's so even now, it's really up to us to move forward however we can. No one can force anyone to change anyone else's minds, it's really up to us, it's really dependent on how conscious we are willing to be or not. The secret teachings of all ages isn't just handed down to everyone, we got to work our way up to it, and that's when we'll realise that the secret was right next to us all our lives. Our demeanor isn't what'll dictate the future, it's our willingness to be conscious about our situation as a whole or not. 

Where I'm standing at right now, in my late teens, I'm still perplexed. I've indeed been struggling with it a lot and resisting it is not the best thing in the entire world, but it actually does serve an advantageous consequence in the long run. Albeit, I do intend to keep going this way, there might be a certain point where the primordial instinct may fire up with its maximum potential and that's the point where my radar should be clear of all opportunities, otherwise disasters might be headed towards my way. I still wish to remain the curious child I was with continuous fantasies about the life in general, that was true happiness and the major growth spurt that everyone should probably have again.

The age where we stop dreaming is the age when we turn into full-bound adults.

Adulthood is the point where we learn about our dreams, and curiosities and explore them further no matter the bounds or whatever they may be.